In Part 2 today, I continue with another way I have been in denial lately.
As an Adult Child from a dysfunctional family, denial was one of my many childhood survival traits. I believe that all individuals who come from abusive, dysfunctional homes learn to behave in such ways to survive that environment growing up. It is amazing what our bodies go through to keep us alive! Denial kept me safe, but it no longer fits my life in a helpful way. I have outgrown it. But now as an adult, when my entire being experiences a potential threat to my very existence, I so easily revert back to those original survival traits…like denial…. especially denial!
Here is my most recent example of denial in action in my life…
In addition to denying my grief feelings recently surrounding my miscarriages, I have been denying some of my feelings toward a family member who has recently revealed their “SECRET” to me. While I am grateful this secret is out in the open and no longer being kept from me, I have had many feelings surrounding it but kept them at bay until now. The secret was revealed several months ago and at first I was in shock (the first stage of grief). After the initial shock, I was not yet ready to deal with my emotions so I minimized the behavior, denied how it truly effected me, excused it, and normalized it as being part of our ever changing culture…BUT THE TRUTH IS… IT REALLY HURT ME DEEPLY AT MY CORE.
It was time and safe now to finally deal with my feelings. AND so I am. The revealing of this secret has caused me to question my very purpose and role in life. There is shame, embarrassment, confusion, hurt, anger, and pain among other emotions. My emotions are really raw right now because I am allowing them to come. And it is ok for me to be in this place. While I am not able to share this secret yet here on the blog, I continue to process it with safe mentors in my life. I feel compelled and know that I must feel my feelings around this secret because if I don’t I will head down that dark spiral again. I will lose my clarity, serenity, and sanity.
Is it time to get your secret out in the open? AND/OR
Is it time to feel and express your emotions around something that has eaten away at you for years?
I encourage you to find a safe person, place, or support group to share it.
Until Part 3 on denial…Bethie